Topic
Non-existent sex drive
When I was 47 or 48, I developed a cyst on my right ovary and my gynecologist recommended we remove it. Within 6 months, my sex drive went gradually down until it was non-existent. It frightened me because it almost became repulsive, yet I had a great relationship with my husband. I spoke to my gynecologist about it and the best she could recommend was taking DHEA which did nothing.
In one of my previous careers, I had been a Social Worker in a rehab hospital working with quadraplegics, paraplegics and others whose sex lives were changed as a result of their injuries. During that experience, I learned a lot about sexual performance and knew that what I was experiencing was not normal and that the removal of my ovary had effected my hormone levels in a negative way yet I didn’t know where to go to get help.
Fortunately, one night while in bed watching the 11 o’clock news, there was a medical news clip about the Boston University School of Sexual Medicine. As I listened, they interviewed a Dr. Irwin Goldstein who discussed my concerns and said that women didn’t have to live with this, that there was an answer. I turned to my husband and said, I’m going to give them a call. He naturally replied “GREAT.” While my husband had not complained, I knew that he missed this intimacy and I wanted to do whatever I could to make our lives together better.
The next day, I made the appointment. Within a few days, I received a packet of materials and questionnaries to complete and an explanation of what to expect. I was impressed. It was clear that it was important to rule out any psychological issues I might be dealing with that was effecting my libido while checking for physical issues as well.
The day of the appointment, I met with Dr. Goldstein, who’s matter of fact and easy going personality made it easier to discuss what is a very personal issue. I was impressed by his staff who made me feel welcome. I was given a blood test and was interviewed by a psychologist who went over my questionnaire. Then I had the physical exam. I was surprised by the technology . My sensitivity to hot and cold, whether I had atrophy, etc were looked at. At the end I had a consultation with Dr. Goldstein and an appointment was made to come back and go over the results. For the next two years, using blood tests, we adjusted my hormone levels up and down until I reached what Dr. Goldstein called “Hormone Heaven”. While it didn’t happen right away, I gradually found my sex drive improving. It was like someone had turned off a light switch and now it was on again. I learned that I had absolutely no testosterone which he prescribed and we added some estrogen and prometrium to the mix.
At the end of my second year, Dr. Goldstein left BU in search of a better situation for his Sexual Medicine Center. I was devastated. I tried going to the BU Center after he left and did not get the warm fuzzy’s from his replacement. In fact, it felt more clinical and less caring because of the lack of warmth. Dr. Goldstein was always upbeat, friendly and made you feel at home.
Shortly after that visit, I was contacted by Dr. Goldstein who filled me in on his search for a new home for the Center and we stayed in touch till he landed in San Diego. Over the years, I have been out to see his new facility once and had a complete reexamination so we could have another base line for adjusting my medication. His new facility is beautiful and he has added some new technology that makes the participation in your own treatment possible(eg . video tv).
I have turned many of my friends on to his books and articles and have sent them to the BU Center for help. I have offered to put together a trip with a bunch of my friends to have us all go overnite for a visit to the San Diego School of Sexual Medicine so they can benefit from a visit with Dr. Goldstein vs the BU Center but they have been intimidated by the price of such a trip.
When I compare the quality of life that I experience vs my friends, I find that as a result of my visits with Dr. Goldstein, that in addition to the improved sex drive, I have not suffered the menopausal issues that many of my friends have; that I am often told that I look younger than my 58 years, that my bone density remains in tact; that I sleep nights all the way through; that I don’t have hot flashes or night sweats and that my overall sense of well being is consistent and I am not moody like many of the women I know.
One area that Dr. Goldstein and I still struggle with in my treatment is my fantasy life. I used to be a big dreamer and I don’t dream as often (or at least I don’t remember them) like I used to. This is an area that has been determined to effect your sex drive. Wellbutrin has been tried with some success but I found that the generic form did not work at all and the actual Wellbutrin gave me heart palpitations so I stopped using it.
More recently, I have lost 40 pounds and plan on losing another 25. There is definitely a correlation between sex drive and weight. Aside from the excess estrogen that fat produces, you definitely feel sexier and better about yourself when you are thin. Exercising has also helped to increase my endorphins which give me a better outlook on life.
Presently, according to my numbers, I am in “Hormone Heaven” again. However, if that is the case, I feel my desire for sex should be greater than it is. Since I own my own business, am a control freak and have a hectic schedule, I often blame my lack of desire on exhaustion. I find when I am on vacation with nothing to do, sex becomes more of a priority. Yet if I had gained nothing from the hormone replacement treatment but the benefits I mentioned above, I would be happy. I am grateful that I found Dr. Goldstein and for all the care he has given me over the years . I would encourage all women to get help.