Topic
My story
My symptoms leading up to menopause were a relative breeze. Sure, I had the occasisweating, threw off the covers and then pulled tonal hot flash. I woke up in the middle of the night hem back on 15 minutes later. One day my bloated body was unrecognizable, the next day I fit in my jeans again. Moods fluctuated like my pants size. I could be up, and then – while not down – certainly anxious. I was in a state that I called “dis-ease.” Still, I considered these events just minor annoyances. Then, one day they were gone. One year without periods, I was officially in menopause. My weight and moods stabilized. I was sleeping through the night. Hot flashes were almost a distant memory. My hormones and I achieved a period of détente, or so I thought.
A year or two after menopause I began noticing that important sections of my gray matter were missing; synapses weren’t quite firing correctly. Adjectives and nouns once on the tip of my tongue were cut-off from recall. I began to avoid speaking engagements. Participation in meetings became painful. I couldn’t easily find the words I needed to express my point. I had trouble completing sentences, and I was mortified watching my colleagues’ faces as they waited expectantly during my long pauses as I struggled to communicate.
Still, so what if I couldn’t effectively string together a noun and a verb? The hot flashes were gone. My clothes fit. Life was generally good. Although I considered it, nothing was bad enough to compel me to replace my dwindling hormones. That remained the case until someone, in the middle of the night, performed a libido lobotomy on brain. My libido? It was gone! Not, “honey I’m tired gone,” “sweetheart not tonight I have a headache gone,” “darling I’ve got a major deadline and don’t have the time gone.” The engine fueling my desire for intimacy was dead, kaput! Houston? We have a problem! A serious problem and I needed help.
The obvious next step would have been to schedule an appointment with Dr. Goldstein. Years ago, when he and I were both practicing medicine on the East Coast, I referred to him distressed patients suffering from their own libido lobotomies that were straining intimate relationships. I didn’t know how to help these women, but Dr. Goldstein did. My patients started to feel better, and I was grateful to have him as a colleague.
Now, facing symptoms similar to theirs, I began thinking about hormone replacement and testosterone. Yet, even the loss of libido and the havoc it was causing in my marriage wasn’t enough to get me into Dr. Goldstein’s office; neither did the vaginal dryness causing a razorblade like pain every time my husband penetrated me, or the lack of vaginal lubrication that put me into mourning for my moistness of my youth. No, it was shrinkage that finally propelled me into action. Yes, shrinkage! Five years into menopause and my labia and vagina were beginning to look and feel old…very, very old. The indignity should have been enough to send me running to Dr. Goldstein.
But, did I go to one of the leading Sexual Health experts in the world faster than you can say, estrogen and testosterone, please?! No. I didn’t like the idea of taking hormones, and my professional relationships with Dr. Goldstein and his wife Sue, made revealing my sexual struggles a little too close for comfort. Instead, I made appointments with other menopause specialists.
It is true that doctors aren’t known for being easy patients. I’m no exception. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect one’s doctor to look at you while talking, answer your questions, explain treatment recommendations, and responsibly monitor the effects of prescribed medications. I blew through two doctors. I wasn’t comfortable with either of them. I didn’t like the bedside manner of one.
I didn’t feel safe enough with the other to overcome my reluctance to take hormones. I was starting to despair and decided to see one more doctor. If that one didn’t work out either, then I resolved to schedule an appointment with Dr. Goldstein. My marriage, and my sanity, depended on it.
I never saw that third doctor. A chance encounter with Dr. Goldstein and Sue in Boston’s Logan airport started a conversation that made me forget about seeing the other physician. They reassured me that they could help me, and more important, they promised that I would feel better. I scheduled an appointment with San Diego Sexual Medicine (SDSM) when I got home.
Being a new patient of SDSM was a unique experience. Before setting foot in their office, I completed questionnaires to help Dr. Goldstein, and his team, understand the factors influencing my sexual health. I was impressed. I had never experienced such a thorough and thoughtful interest in my health history. I was relieved – so relieved – to find a physician interested in me and other women these questions. Once in the SDSM office, I first met with the team’s sex therapist, Rose Hartzell, Ph.D. She reviewed my questionnaire, asked clarifying questions, respectfully asked me what information she could share with Dr. Goldstein and then briefed him with what she had learned from our interview. I felt confident when I saw Dr. Goldstein that he was approaching my issues with an understanding of all the complexity that influences a person’s sexual health rather than viewing me as a list of symptoms that needed to be fixed. Once Dr. Goldstein reviewed my labs and thoroughly explained the data related to safe and responsible hormone replacement, I was converted from being a doc who didn’t want to take any medication – at all, to a patient walking out the door with prescriptions for five. I was all fired up and ready to go.
Now, almost three months into hormone therapy I am writing this testimonial. I happily report that my vocabulary is returning and words don’t often seem out of reach. I no longer shy away from speaking engagements. The best news is … I did not have a libido lobotomy. Rather, menopause, with its declining hormone levels turned off my libido switch; replacing those hormones turned that switch back on. I feel more like my premenopausal feminine self, rather than my post-menopausal functional self. Much to my surprise, I have no intention of going hormone free; they’ve given me back to myself, and to my husband.
The moral of this story is that if you are struggling with symptoms resulting from menopause, don’t wait to seek help from Dr. Goldstein and the San Diego Sexual Medicine team. Their commitment to helping women is exemplary. You don’t have to suffer. You are not alone and there is help, I promise. I know because I’m in menopause too. I know because I’m a doc who has seen many women struggling with similar problems. You can feel better. So go on, pick up the phone and call him. Don’t wait like I did. I’ve already vetted several other docs and medical teams for you. Dr. Goldstein and his team are one of the very best.