Topic
I don’t care if I ever have sex again
I went through menopause at age 52 with only minimal physical effects beyond mild hot flashes. Since I lived in New England and am usually cold, even those were not completely negative. It was only later that it sank in that my libido, never high to begin with, had vanished. In fact, my ability to be aroused was non-existent and I felt nothing in my genital area. This caused tension in my marriage and my comment during one conversation, ” I don’ t care if I ever have sex again,” has been repeated by my husband on multiple occasions. To complicate things, 5 years later, I came home from work one day and my husband announced that he was miserable and was leaving without any sense of when/or if he would be back. Three months later, I discovered that he was having an affair and, when he decided to end that, we made the decision to continue our marriage of 34 years. After moving to San Diego several years ago, I had seen the advertisements for Dr. Goldstein’ s presentation, ” Sex in the City,” and was frustrated that I was out of town the three times he gave the talk. I had known Dr. Goldstein for years – we lived in the same New England town, our children went to school together, and he had kindly done my husband’ s vasectomy pro bono (perhaps wishing to have no more of my hellions in the world…) – so I called him to see if I could get a copy of the talk. Instead I was told that I could have a 15 minute free phone consultation which I did and, having been intrigued by what Dr. Goldstein said, followed that up with an appointment. I had filled out the extensive questionnaire, had the necessary blood work done, and was eager to take the next step. I was nervous and self-conscious, especially because of our personal relationship, but was immediately put at ease by Dr. Goldstein. After he discussed the results of the labs that showed my hormone levels were way out of whack (not the term Dr. Goldstein used!) and had a tutorial in female sexual response and menopausal changes, he did a number of procedures to assess my physical responses, all of which showed diminished responses. I then had a testosterone pellet implanted, an easy procedure, received a prescription for a vaginal ring, and one for Estrace to be used nightly. He also gave me a prescription for Viagra, ½ tablet to be taken before making love. Beware, however, insurance does not cover this one for women and it is expensive! He also said that the anti-depressant I had taken since my marriage difficulties was an ” orgasm killer.” I did see improvement in my sexual response, not monumental, but still significant given where I started. Arousal was there, but orgasms were still elusive, complicated most likely by the anti-depresant. It was the little engine that couldn’ t. Even that small change was a delight. Oddly, all of this treatment made my husband uncomfortable even though he had used Cialis or Viagra for years. That did not deter me, for I knew I was doing this for both of us. At my next appointment six months later, the blood work still showed some problems. Dr. Goldstein implanted another testosterone pellet with the addition of gel to be used after 3 months and an estrogen gel to be used every other day. I have stopped taking the anti-depressant in the last month and, together with the hormones, the changes are great. I feel aroused even when only thinking about sex, look forward to sex, and even masturbate when my husband is out of town. Dr. Goldstein had been surprised during our initial phone appointment that I didn’ t own a vibrator and told me to buy one. I did and that has been a good thing too. Women who experience a lack of sexual pleasure should not accept that as the end, but consider taking the leap to see someone to discuss the problem. It has been an expensive process for me, but one that gives back every day. So as the song from Chorus Line says, Grab a cab, c’ mon. See the wizard on Park and Seventy-Third… Or, in this case, Dr. Goldstein.